Obey or Else!

Obedience from young children is the number one priority for most parents. After all, what is more humiliating than a kid flailing around the floor at the mall? Well, let me tell you from experience, not much. As my 5 year old threw himself on the floor, I wondered if this was just my fate or that of a million others.

Now I know that most good disciplinarians will tell you this is completely unacceptable, and it is. But who expects it to happen to them? I sure didn't. (Just to offer some hope, this youngster is now a successful adult.) I stood there at the mall, stunned. The problem with raising children who will someday lead is that they first practice all their potential tendencies toward leadership on us. I used to tell my kids that they should never come home and tell me one of their friends forced them to do something. They had practiced the word "no" too many times on me.


So how do we head them off at the pass?


First, convince yourself that obedience is necessary (it’s for more than sparing our own pride). Kids need to obey because it is through obedience that they find peace and security. Just take a moment to think about yourself. I grew up in Michigan. It was family procedure to take off our shoes as we entered the house. No one wore shoes into another person’s house. Snow damage prevention. The habit continued all year round. I moved to the South. I overheard a woman there complaining that she had visited a person’s house where a place was provided for her to take off her shoes at the door. She thought that was so rude. I quickly realized that the best way for me to be happy in my new environment was to learn the rules and obey them. This particular friend became my guide to the rules of southern hospitality. Once I learned them, I was comfortable and felt like a full-fledged Texan.


If our children never learn to obey, how will they ever really be able to settle down and enjoy life in the family? How will they feel part of the family? They will always be searching for what they are missing, frustrated because they cannot figure out how to make us happy and fit in. The Ten Commandments are the basic obedience rules for society. Archbishop Fulton Sheen said if we never obey the commandments, we will never know God any more than you can know golf without learning the rules. Scary, eh?


So how do we get our kids to obey? Do we threaten, bribe or manipulate them? This may be tempting, but no. We need to motivate our kids. Obedience will make them happy.


1. Each time you go into a new situation (like at the mall), tell them the rules ahead of time, just like my Texan friend did for me.


2. Then you have them practice.


3. As you walk through the mall and they are staying by your side, compliment them, tell them how you are so happy you brought them with you. This will motivate them.


4. You also need to have proper expectations. Do not tempt them to disobey by going past their breaking point. If you know your child cannot handle more than a half hour of quiet time in the mall, do not go beyond that. Hence, the cry rooms at Mass.


Remember, the lack of virtue in a young child is not the sign of a bad parent. It is the sign of a parent at work. After all, the kids have only been in the world a few years. How are they supposed to know all the rules? They do what feels good in the moment. We just have to help them see that obedience feels good in the best way. It makes a happy heart.  Practice JOYFUL OBEDIENCE with your K4J kids this year in the Jump for Jesus! Mission.